Current. Currents. Curently. Cut.

It Seems as thought this all fades. it all falls. and I fail.

I want so dearly to be what I cant be.
I want to be perfect. I want to belong.
But I wouldnt be me if i looked like everyone else. I just want freedom.
To be truly free.
To fly.

But Yet again. I fall.

She said it perfectly. Acceptance of Self is key.

What I am is what I am.

I am not aware of many things in this life I lead.
I am however always held responsible for my actions.

Death is never any easy feat.

I stand at a crossroads, to move ahead or to look behind.

I somehow always find myself wishing I could change the past.
If I Had that power though I would never learn. I would Never grow.

I sincerly hope that throughout my 20 years I have atleast learned that there are certain Un-controllable things.

I can't Make anyone do anything without their consent.
I can't control the weather or time.

I can control myself. I can decided what to do when faced with an unfavorable situation.

So Why do I always run to the fimilar?

Because the past is comforting because to expect the future is so unsettling.

To hope. To want. To expect.

It always leads to a 2 way street. Pass or Fail. Win or lose.

I just hope that somewhere that line becomes blurred and I can tap into my intincts.

If I am not made to love. So be it.

Love is a gift from aphrodite.

I have never met her.

I have just been feeding on second hand emotions on a beaten path.

I will love again.

But if the sun rises, or the moon falls, I will still breathe. and If I love. I will love.

But I can live. and I can Love.

But mostly I am just learning to live.

Valerie Nicole. Age 20. 7/11/07... In a state of mind. I am in a state of hope.

What to call you.

You are not mine, Yet I hold you close.
You are a friend, Yet I would never see you as a foe.
You are there, Yet you are gone.
You are my muse, Yet I have never been in your presence.
You Smile, I smile.

Simplicity in the Lies. Complex is the truth.
I love you, but never the same.

Do what ever it takes.

What to call you, my friend. For your name is not enough.

Sometimes I Cry

There isn't always a reason.
There isn't always a rhyme.

Sometimes I cry because the pain is there.

How can I let you go when you took more than I initially knew?

This is because I can't ever truly let anyone go.

If you were to read this I would be amazed because I don't think you would even realize that this is about you.

Happiness is a gift but.... as it is said the best gifts are made not bought.
When I met you I thought I was done.
I remember the first time we talked.... I was so down.
You just were there and I am sure I meant little to you.
Then things changed.... But as I do.... I chased you away.